Ch. 18 Faith in Family Life

What is the connection between religion and family?  Is there a connection? Laura Guyton, a hair stylist seems to think so.  She shared her thoughts regarding the matter saying, “I do believe there is a connection between religion and family.  In fact, there are many benefits to a religious family.  Some of those benefits include gaining a sense of community and maintaining traditions both within the religion and the family that helps keep families strong.  Religion also helps maintain order in the home and creates a moral basis that will remain with family members throughout their lives.”

In the last few decades there has been a noticeable shift away from family values and this shift has impacted the relationship between religion and families. Where families once spent time eating dinner together daily, attended church meetings together often, helped each other, and simply enjoyed each other’s company; today such family relationships and dynamics have been altered considerably.  Religion is no longer apart of the family unit it once was.

David Williamson from UNC News Services has gathered research related to religion and whether or not it is connected to stronger family relationships.  In this research he found that a new University of North Carolina study showed that adolescents in families actively involved in religious activities tend to enjoy stronger family relationships than youths whose families have less or no religious involvement (http://www.unc.edu/news/archives/may03/smith050703.html) May 7, 2003).     

“For the youth whose parents were less frequent attenders -- 12 percent for twice a month and 21 percent for once a month or less -- the data also suggested evidence of stronger family relationships than those whose parents did not attend, but with more scattered positive results," said Dr. Christian Smith, a sociology professor at the University.

In this new technological era filled with distractions at every turn, the decline of family activities, and the lack of attendance of church are all contributing factors to the weakening of families.  This weakness it brings issues into the home as demonstrated by the research of Dr. Smith of UNC and David Williamson.  In short even if one does not necessarily believe in a religion, it is strengthening for a family to go to church together and participate in a community that supports families and the relationships therein.

Links to Consider…

http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2006/12/why-religion-matters-even-more-the-impact-of-religious-practice-on-social-stability

Ch.3 Foundational Processes for an Enduring, Healthy Marriage

            Within the United States 40 to 50 percent of marriages end in divorce. (Americen Psychological Association, http://www.apa.org/topics/divorce)

This is a sad statistic that society should be working to lower as much as possible and as quickly as possible.  To come up with some solutions researchers Stephen F. Duncan and Sara S. McCarty Zasukha have identified 6 processes the lead toward a healthy and enduring marriage.

            “Personal Commitment to the Marriage Covenant” is the first and foundational process.  In this process couples need to realize their marriage has purpose and is more than just a social custom to be taken lightly.  

As stated in The Family: A Proclamation to the World, “Marriage is between a man and a woman is ordained of God” (paragraph 1) also that “husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other” (paragraph 6).  These words show with clarity how serious the commitment of marriage is and should be.

            The second process is “Love and Friendship.”  There are several ways in which married couples can come together to strengthen their love and friendship for one another.  Some suggestions given include finding out how your partner prefers to receive love which can do be done through a “love map” as talked about in a book by Gottman and Silver (1999).  To be more specific, a love map is a book or a series of mental notes in which couples can remember personal information about one another such as dreams, aspirations, like, dislikes, etc.

            “Positive Interactions” is third on the list.  “Positive emotions toward one’s spouse are vital to a healthy marriage.  Negative emotions, if they occur frequently and are allowed to deepen, can threaten a marriage,” said the researchers of the 6 processes.  Couples need to work together to foster positive thoughts about one another and to be sure and show their love to each other often.

            The last remaining processes are accepting influence from one’s spouse, being able to respectfully handle differences and solve problems together, and last to continue courtship through the years.  All 6 processes are great ways to keep a healthy marriage alive and going for the long term.

Links to Consider…

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/29/marriage-advice_n_4005319.html

Ch.2 Successful Romantic Relationship Development: Meeting, Dating, & Choosing an Eternal Companion

Finding an eternal companion generally takes times and is part of a trial and error process.  When someone has found a potential spouse there are a series of phases that are gone through that lead to marriage.  Before entering in to such phases its necessary for both individuals to be sure that they are both in emotionally healthy and happy.  To reach this point, one needs to be comfortable with their past in order to move forward. 

According to the text, “Researchers like Sroufe, Egeland, Carlson, and Collins (2005) suggest that many experiences exert an influence on your success in meeting and choosing an eternal mate, including family experiences with other significant people in your life (such as teachers, Church leaders, or peers), and things that are happening in your current environment.” (Holman, Poulsen, Other, p. 17, 2012).

 So, because our past influence us and our choices presently, it is vital that people deal with any problems from the past that might impact negatively their future marriage relationship

Emotional health is another matter to assess prior to committing to any serious relationship.  Having any serious conditions such as clinical anxiety, depression, or immaturity can all factor in when selecting a spouse.  As difficult as such conditions can be, they are treatable through family or individual therapy.  Once these matters are resolved and/or treated, a person is more prepared to enter into relationships that may lead to marriage and family.

Ch.1 Young Adulthood & Pathways to Eternal Marriage

         

             This is not so much the case with today’s youth.  Through research, youth today feel that marriage and other milestones once used to establish adulthood are no longer necessary.  Rather, the mere acceptance of responsibility for one’s self is considered to be enough (Nelson & Barry, 2005). 

 In the past, marriage was seen as one’s initiation into adulthood (Schlegel & Barry, 1991).

Societal changes with how people view marriage and what it means to enter into adulthood has led to some challenges for youth who are working toward the commitment of marriage becoming fully responsible adults.

            One such challenge is the lack of emphasis on courtship and dating.  Traditionally, youth would find someone they were interested in, court them, and either marry them—entering straight into adulthood—or not.  

Things have changed in today’s world.  There is a new term called “emerging adulthood” (Arnett, 2000).  This is the extended period between youth and adulthood (marriage, family, etc.).  With this extended time period, young people preparing for adulthood and marriage are impacted.

            Jason S. Carroll has said that family professionals have observed differences, or more so a form of erosion of traditional courtship patterns that guide people toward marriage.  As a result of this erosion are a set of societal problems preventing people from properly courting one another and eventually being married.  According to Carroll, these societal problems to include a growing pessimism about marriage and a focus on personal independence before and after marriage, a primary focus on personal financial independence for both men and women, widespread sexual permissiveness, and high rates of couple living together before marriage (Jason S. Carroll, p. 4, 2012).

For these reasons it is important that people take time to date and court one another properly in a more traditional way.  Doing so allows for those in a relationship to get to know one another on a more personal level.  With more dating experience, they are less likely to rush into a marriage, etc.  Dating is a vital part of getting to know a potential spouse and people should be sure to not commit themselves too quickly to one person.

            Dating and courtship are tools given to us to help guide us to a person who will one day become our spouse and of whom we will be able to start a family with. We would be wise to use them.

Links to Consider…

http://cupidselves.com/2012/10/26/dating-and-relationship-boundaries/

Ch.21 Prosaic Work

In Chapter 3 the text quotes Gary Saul, a literary critic, who said, “Grand drama and ecstatic moments do not make a life good.  Life is an everyday affair, and the sum total of unremarkable, daily happenings defines it quality…  Many can perform heroic actions in the sight of all, but few poses the courage to do small things right without recognition.”  

Its through the small, meaningful daily gestures and acts of service that most often make a difference in the lives of others.  Through these small courageous actions people are brought together in unity; everyone helping one another without expecting something in return.  In doing service for others, individuals are blessed knowing they did a good deed that has helped a fellow human being.

Once upon a time prosaic work was the norm in society.  Members of society today, in contrast, feel they should not have to work much for anything in life. Without having an understanding of what it is to work, and even more so to work together, people are missing out on the simpler joys in life that don’t focus on themselves.  Such small deeds are necessary in society and should be exercised daily to strengthen a sense of community, family, and any other form of bonds among people.

Links to Consider…

http://www.lds.org/liahona/1991/10/teaching-children-about-service

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/07/28/health-benefits-of-volunteering-helping      others_n_909713.html#s316118title=Helpers_Live_Longer